http://thewiddershins2.wordpress.com

Thanks so much for being with us. We’ll see you at the new digs!

Happy New Year!

It’s New Year’s Eve Morning, Widdershins, and I’m most likely sleeping soundly after yesterday’s exhausting drive up the East Coast. Many of us believe that in dreams we take journeys into the depths and heights of our creative unconsciouses, and I assure you this is precisely what I have done. Thanks to this mystical mode of travel, I have channeled ten guaranteed-to-be accurate predictions for this upcoming year of Two Thousand And Eleven. Prepare to be amazed!

1. This movie will SUCK. (And blow). Earth to Hollywood: Seth Rogen is NOT a superhero.
2. Barack Obama will continue to be the Worst President Ever and amaze us with his ever-increasing capacity for oratorical and governmental crapulence. In November of 2011, he will announce that he will not be running for re-election, after which he will evaporate in a cloud of cigarette smoke and poorly-written rhetoric.
3. Hillary Clinton will resign as Secretary of State and announce her candidacy for the 2012 Presidency. Her running mate will be Kirsten Gillibrand, Russ Feingold, Wesley Clark or Sarah Palin. (Ha! Just checking to see if you were paying attention.)
4. Sarah Palin will declare her run as the “Tea Party” Presidential candidate for 2012. Her running mate will be Christine O’Donnell. Unfortunately, before the end of the year Ms. O’Donnell will turn La Palin into a newt. Fortunately, Sarah will get better.
   
5. Rush Limbaugh will FINALLY come out of the closet. Deserted by his bigoted fanbase, he and “formerly gay” evangelical minister Ted Haggard will elope to Connecticut, taking their honeymoon in an understated 6000-square-foot villa in Anse Chastenet. Soon afterwards, Yahweh will smite it out of existence (with the two lovebirds inside). Some things really ARE an outrage against the Lord!
6. The newly GOP House will subpoena Obama’s birth certificate, and will discover that he is, in fact, an alien from the Turdian Galaxy (which explains his fabled ability to play chess in 11 dimensions!).
7. “Burnt Orange” Boehner and “Snake Lips” McConnell will entertain tens of millions of Americans with their wacky, supremely idiotic pronouncements. Sadly for them, the entertainment factor will not translate into high approval ratings.
8. In fact, 2011 will see Congressional approval numbers going below zero. (Yes, I know it’s impossible. But darn it all, they’ll be just awful enough to make it happen!)
9. Joe Lieberman will become a Republican in 2012. Or he’ll become a Democrat. Or he’ll be sent home to Connecticut. (What am I, Miss Cleo?)
10. Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann will quit her job as a Congresswoman and go to work for the TSA. The best part: She won’t need an x-ray machine to see through peoples’ clothing!
11. Bonus prediction: You will really, really like tomorrow’s post. We have a surprise for you!

Well, that’s it. My crystal ball has gone dark. But what about you? Why don’t you tap into your own creative unconscious, and share your own 2011 predictions with us?

We wish you a very Happy New Year’s Eve! May 2011 bring you health, prosperity and most of all, love.

This is an open thread.

(1) Make better use of my time.  This encompasses a lot of ground, and can mean many things to many people.  This could cover spending more time with family and friends, which could be good, or it could mean that I shouldn’t pile up on the couch with a critter or two and read something – and that would not be good.  This will take some thought.

(2) Become better organized.  God, I hate this one.  It means that I should do a better job with things like filing.  Bleeach!  I haven’t finished 2009′s filing, for that matter.  Maybe I just shouldn’t bother with this one, although it’s clearly indicated.  I’ll think this one over as well.

(3) To become more fit.  Well, disability has done a number on this one, but I really should still try harder.  I should – I really, really should.

(4) To finally lose those last few pounds.  Well, maybe after the holiday, that last any number of pounds.  As we have previously discussed, I really like vegetables, so I should get a flying start on this after the first of the year.  Then I should really hurry because Valentine’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day and Easter are forthcoming and those can be diet-ending events in and of themselves. 

(5) To quit smoking/drinking/whatever the bad habit.  Actually, I haven’t smoked in more than a decade, and I drink very rarely, so these are easy enough to keep.  Thank God – it was looking rather dismal there for a while.

(6) To get out of debt.  I wish!  However, my diving property values vis a vis my soaring health care costs tell me that this will not occur.  Oh, and by that I do not mean that I have any new health care costs – it’s just that they keep escalating.  Oh, and my threatened public pension and Social Security incomes are verbally assaulted daily, so the whole get out of debt thing looks pretty feeble, I think.

(7) To learn something new.  This one, I have actually kept, and TW has a great deal to do with it.  MadamaB has enhanced my computer skills and the TW commenters have stretched my knowledge base to no end.  Muchas gracias, y’all!

(8) To help others.  When one thing leaves in life, another thing replaces it.  While I cannot work any longer, I now have time that I could have only dreamed of in the past.  I work with Toys for Tots, the Saint Vincent de Paul Society and several historic groups.  I have worked with the ACLU in rights restorations, and I hope to do more in 2011.  There are no end of problems in this world, and maybe we can help just a little bit.  This one, I can actually sign onto.  Not to mention, there are whole new vistas out there.  Recovering Democrats are waking up and realizing that things are amiss.  We can all be helpful here, as we will need these folks in the near and immediate futures.

(9) Enjoy life, and don’t sweat the small stuff.   I can honestly say that I do, but not in any way that I ever envisioned.  There have been some serendipitous finds in my life, and The Widdershins has been one of the best.  I find, however that I must constantly re-define “the small stuff”.  For example, last year I decided not to get upset over something as piddly as a football game.  That lasted two games and was, shall we say, punted.  I’m probably going to get upset, and  football in the South just isn’t “small stuff”.  Even Pop Warner ball has mammoth meaning down here.  It just is.  I guess that “small stuff” is all that other annoying trivia of life, so I shall strive to not be quite as bothered by junk mail, silly commercials and Fundie friends who swear that Glenn Beck will lead us to the promised land.  You know what, that may not go any better than the whole football thingie did, now that I think of it.

(10) Identify areas to work on for the 2012 elections.  It’s time to begin to look at suitable candidates, and check them out carefully.  There’s not a lot of time, and there’s not a great deal of money and we should expend both carefully.  There’s a lot to be done at the local level, with a weather eye kept on the national stage lest 2008 repeat itself.

What’s up for 2011 for The Widdershins?  This is an open thread.

(MB’s Note: Thanks, La-T-Da, for this suggestion!)

It’s not quite New Year’s yet, but may I suggest a resolution for all of us? Despite the recent progressive-sounding advancements made by the lame duck Congress, we all know how bad the next couple of years are going to be. Watching “Burnt Orange” Boehner, “Permasmile” Bachmann and “Snake Lips” McConnell hold forth on the evils of non-white, non-Christian, non-male Murkins is bound to induce nausea in the strongest of constitutions. Can we try to just know that and accept it? Can we try to move through our five stages of grief regarding the suckitude of both Parties, so we can get to Acceptance, and then to action?

I don’t know about you, but I think most people on the Left are still in the phases of Denial, Anger, Bargaining or Depression. They cannot accept that it is the Democratic Party that needs them, not the other way around. They refuse to embrace their power – the power of a huge voting bloc to get what they want out of their “representatives.” (The conservative base, as we saw in 2010, has no such problem.) These lefties have become so addicted to the idea that the Dems are the guys in the white hats and the Repubs are the guys in the black hats, that they can’t see the truth about Obama when it’s not just staring them in the face, it’s flashing like an overdecorated Christmas light extravaganza. Below are some examples of prominent “liberal” pundits who have recently demonstrated one of these four phases, either in writing or on The TeeVee.

Denial: Paul Krugman. Really, Paul, GET A CLUE ALREADY. How many times does Obama have to demonstrate his willingness to destroy the New Deal before you believe it?!

Bob Kuttner must have some source for this story, about Obama planning to propose Social Security cuts in the State of the Union. Let’s hope it’s just a trial balloon.

(facepalm)

I must wonder aloud here – why does Krugman think Obama created his Catfood Commission, then appointed Erskine Bowles and Alan Simpson, who then came out with the Chairman’s Report on Deficit Reduction, which recommended – wait for it – Social Security cuts?! Did George W. Bush use mind control to force Obama to make this happen?

For Krugman to be this myopic about Obama, this late in the game, is truly mindboggling. The Denial is strong with this one. As you can see, Denial leaves you stuck on the sidelines, shaking your head like The Krug, muttering “There must be some mistake! This cannot be happening!”, hoping that a clear statement of intent is just a “trial balloon.” It’s not a good place for an activist to be. Deal with it, Mr. Nobel-Prize-Winning-Economist: the era of “fauxpe” is over.

Anger: Keith Obamaman – er, Olbermann. Keith’s furiously magnificent “Special Comment” about Obama’s tax deal gave voice to the anger and disgust we are all feeling. I do think that anger can be a spur to action in some cases, but when we get stuck in this stage, we can be manipulated and drawn in directions we really do not want to go. Case in point: the bizarre embrace of Sarah Palin, the antithesis of Hillary Clinton, by avowed Hillary Clinton supporters.

Bargaining: The New Republic’s William Galston. In this article, Democratic strategist William Galston writes an entire legislative agenda for Dear Leader; then, he plays TelePrompter for the State of the Union address. Finally, he explains how his guidance would help Obama in the next two years.

This is just one option for the State of the Union address; there are many others. But all the good ones have some things in common: They speak directly to our economic circumstances and to our fears; they are equal in scope and ambition to the magnitude of the challenges we face; and they embed specific policies that make sense in a broader success story—a narrative that points the way to a brighter future. At the beginning of the next Congress, we will find out if Obama is able to seize his historic opportunity.

Galston is so deep into bargaining that he seems to think Obama is sitting there reading his essay, wrinkling his august brow, and deciding which of his admirable suggestion to follow first. This is remarkably similar to the way we will pray to the deity of our choice, hoping against hope that he/she/it will change an unchangeable situation. And, sadly for Galston, the desired outcome – that Obama will take any of his suggestions – is just as impossible. Obama is not a policy wonk or a strategist. He has no interest in a coherent narrative – he never had one in the first place except “I’m Not Bush and I Didn’t Vote for the War.” He’s just going to continue on with Bush’s third term, then fuck off to Davos, or wherever the real decisions are made, and demand his due for finishing the destruction of the American Middle Class.

Which leads us to…Depression.

Ahhhhh, who am I kidding? I’m depressed, you’re depressed, we’re all depressed at one time or another. We’re in a Depression, for heaven’s sake! In fact, the Kubler-Ross model suggests that we move through all of these stages in no particular order, and more than once, as we continue the healing process. I really don’t want to link to the whiners at Daily Kos, so I’ll just move on to the final stage.

Acceptance: Ian Welsh. Here is a guy who has seen a horribly depressing future (one which many of us might not agree is coming, but I think his vision has the ring of truth), and yet, he still suggests actions we can take to deal with it. These are good suggestions regardless of your feelings on the coming Opocalypse.

I have said it before, and I will say it again.  If you can get out, get out.  If you can’t get out, but you have children, get them overseas—send them on exchanges, send them to overseas relatives for a year, send them to a foreign university (they’re better and cheaper).  Get them out, even if you can’t get out.

(snip)

In the meantime, if you have to stay, make sure you’re on good terms with your neighbors, your spouse, your friends and your family.  Figure out how to grow food wherever you are and how to reduce your dependence on anything but people you trust.  (Don’t trust any corporation.)  And, if you can, organize.  Organize locally, organize at the State level, organize nationally. 

One thing I know for sure: When it comes to the future, the Left must move it, or lose it.

This is an open thread.

(1) Worst Book of 2010: Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Yes, the Eat, Pray, Love  author.  This book would compare unfavorably to Cliff’s Notes re: marriage.  Do not waste your time – it does not get better as you get into it.  Just trust me.

(2) Worst Movie of 2010: “The Back-Up Plan”.  OMFG.  Jennifer Lopez (not Anniston-thanks, DYB!)  as a woman attempting conception.  The worst thing about the movie?  It was Tom Boseley’s final role – say it ain’t so, Mr. C!

(3) Worst Song of 2012:  “Hey, Soul Sister” by Train.  I like Train – a lot.  “Drops of Jupiter” is a fabulous song.  This is a huge let down.

(4) Worst TV Show of 2010:  This goes to ESPN and LeBron James for “LeBron goes to Miami.”  Hands down.

(5) Worst TV Series of 2010:  So many to choose from!  Many never even saw the third episode.  “Lone Star”, for example……………

(6) Worst Fashion of 2010:  The hair styles – they look just plain messy much of the time.  Now, I’m good with tousled, wavy, big hair, sleek, pulled back, put up and what have you, but try to look as though it has met a comb.

(7) Worst Legislation 2010:  Freebies and tax breaks for millionaires and they’re best friend billionaires.  No doubt about it.

So what do you think, Widdershins?  Give us your worsts.

This is an open thread.

Let’s start with the best.  The best books, the best television shows, the best movies, fashion, hairstyles., new vehicles – whatever rocks your world.  Here are my entries:

(1) Best Book of 2010: How To Read the Air by Dinaw Mengestu.  This is a fabulous if somewhat harrowing story of a young man who recalls the journey of his immigrant parents.  The book is both heartbreakingly tough and lyrically poetic.  Here is the money quote:  “He had learned early in his life that before any violent gesture there is a moment when the act is born, not as something that can be seen or felt, but by the change it precipitates  in the air.”

(2) Best Movie of 2010:  “The Kids Are All Right”.  What a warm, wonderful film that this is.  Treat yourself.  Annette Benning and Julianne Moore are just beautiful.

(3) Best TV Show of 2010:  “Carlos”, courtesy of the Sundance Channel, will hold you spellbound.  Edgar Ramirez is memorable as Carlos the Jackal.

(4) Best TV Series of 2010:  “The Closer”.   Kyra Sedgwick has finally gotten some hardware for her fine acting, and is surrounded by an equally wonderful cast.  The series has grown over the past six years, and the characters have grown with it as well.  I’ve read that 2011 will be the final year, so I’m loving every episode in the meantime.

(5) Best Music of 2010:  “The Noise” by Neal Young.  It’s folk-ish and poignant and not really typical of Neal Young, but I really like it.

(6) Best Fashion Kind of Stuff:  Hooray for the return of sheath dresses – things that most women can wear successfully.  I’m not really big on the sleeveless ones, but I’m thrilled otherwise.  I’m also pleased to welcome back a more moderate denim – not skin-tight leggings or overly festooned jackets a la 1978, but just comfortable denim jeans, skirts and dresses. 

(7) Best Legislation of 2010:  The repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  It’s time.

Let’s hear them, and anything else you would care to discuss on this open thread.

(1) The 39 Steps (1935):  Alfred Hitchcock’s adaptation of John Buchan’s novel, and for my money one of the best films ever.

(2) Zulu (1964):  The movie documenting the Battle of Rorke’s Drift (1879) during the Anglo-Zulu War.  Eleven Victoria Crosses were awarded during this action.’  As the story goes, the regiment failed to defeat the Zulu warriors, but so impressed them with their bravery that the Zulus retreated.

(3) The Ipcress File (1965):  Len Deighton’s early spy novel turned into a movie.

(4) A Clockwork Orange (1971):  The most fabulous, darkly satirical science fiction ever.  The model for dystopia for all times.

(5) Oliver! (1968):  Based on the Dickens classic, this musical has some wonderful sounds and scenes.

Anything to add?  This is an open thread.

I’ve been treated to some wonderful Christmas music.  My childhood steeped in the Irish Catholic methodology taught me deep appreciation for a multitude of venues ranging from the swells of a mammoth pipe organ to the pure beauty of a capella voices in a tiny Appalachian church.  Christmas music varies from country to country, ethnicity to ethnicity and region to region, but has the common thread of joy and love.  I’ve been truly fortunate to have spent many wonderful Christmases soaking up a lot of different cultures.

So let’s spend the day enjoying the sounds of Christmas and the company of the Widdershins.

(1) The Huron Carol:  This is a gift from our Canadian neighbors, and it was written in the 17th century.  My Granther from Nova Scotia taught me the words, and it’s just lovely.

(2) An Appalachian Carol:  This is performed at Dollywood, and like  most Appalachian music, is in a minor key

(3) The Wexford Carol:  This is the traditional Irish Christmas carol.  Who better than Celtic Woman to sing this for us?

(4) In Dulce Jubilo:  One of the great pipe organ carols.

(5) The Carol of the Bagpipers:  This is a lovely old tune, with the wild sweet strains of celtic music abundant.

Bonus:  I could not resist this Scottish Carol from the 16th century or so.  Baloo Lammie (Child Born of Mary) done in bells.

This is an open thread.  Please share your favorites, and anything else that you may care to do.  I thank all of you, who have been such  a gift to me over the past two years of my associations with the blogosphere.  Merry Christmas, and happy anything else that you may choose to celebrate this day of light and peace.

Will Obama's Christmas Be Merry?

In the spirit of National “I Told Ya So” Day…here is my Christmas Eve Post from 2009. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas to all!

THE SCENE: The White House, the President’s bedroom. BARACK and MICHELLE OBAMA are sleeping in the ornate four-poster bed, snoring in tandem, wearing their traditional matching silk monogrammed pajamas (in festive red to honor the season, of course). Adorably, their matching cream sleep masks are also monogrammed; his reads “I’m Hers” and hers reads “He’s Mine.” (Awwww!) The fire in the fireplace has burned down to embers. 

All of a sudden, smoke whooshes from the fireplace. Sparks dance mysteriously in the air as a ghostly call echoes through the room.

A GHOSTLY VOICE: Baaaaaaarrrrrraaaaaaacccccccccccck! Wake uuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

(BARACK snurfles, then opens his eyes. He nudges MICHELLE.)

BARACK: Hey, honey. Wake up! I think I heard something. Did you hear something?

(MICHELLE, blissfully snoring, doesn’t respond at all.)

GHOSTLY VOICE: Sheeeeee caaaaaaan’t heeeeeear youuuuuuu, Baraaaaaaaaack!

(BARACK sits up in bed, startled.)

BARACK: What the hell! Who’s there? I – I warn you, the Secret Service is right outside that door, and they are authorized to use deadly force!

GHOSTLY VOICE (materializing into more solid form): Secret Service?! Nonsense. In my day, I kept a Winchester under my bed. And of course, Eleanor was a VERY light sleeper.

(As BARACK stares in amazement at the fireplace, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) steps out of the whirling smoke. He is young, in his full glory, with his trademark cigarette holder in his mouth. BARACK’s eyes are huge as his mouth breaks into his well-known, charming smile.)

BARACK (thrilled): Oh my goodness. Could it really be – one of our greatest Democratic Presidents of the 20th Century? (puzzled) But wait – this is a dream, isn’t it? I mean, no offense, Mr. President, but you’ve been dead for quite some time. (smiles) Although, for a ghost, you’re looking mighty vigorous indeed.

FDR: Thank you, Mr. President. (somewhat pompously) And yes, it is I, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, four-term Democratic President and creator of the New Deal. (in a more normal tone) As you correctly surmised, sir, I am indeed a mere specter of my former self. But this is no dream – at least, not an ordinary dream.  For I am also…(even more dramatically) the Ghost of Christmas Past!!!!

BARACK: Um, what? (leaning back in disappointment) Damn, is this that stupid Scrooge crap all you white people love so much?

FDR (a bit embarrassed): Er, um, yes, young man, it is. (determined) Now, take your medicine like a good President. This is where I wave my hand and we’re transported into the past…past…past…

(FDR waves his arm as promised, and the scene dissolves into the Washington of Christmas, 1932. He is seated in his comfortable townhome by the fireplace with his wife, ELEANOR. The decor is comfortably rustic, with matching leather wingchairs and mahogany sidetables next to them. FDR  is poring over papers in preparation for his inauguration.)

FDR (shaking his head in amazement): ELEANOR, my God! I can’t believe what a mess Hoover left me! People are living in tents. Unemployment is through the roof. No one trusts the banks, and the business community is dying. Even worse, older people are starving to death. That’s an outrage, isn’t it, darling? After working all their lives, they are living on cat food and dying in the streets!

ELEANOR: It’s just awful, Franklin. Just awful!

FDR: I – I don’t even know where to start. How can I make Americans believe in their government again, when we have done such a terrible job safeguarding their interests?

ELEANOR (walking behind him and putting her hands on his shoulders): Franklin, you are a good man. Trust your instincts. Think about putting to people to work, the way you did when you were Governor. Just try something – anything - but do it FAST.

FDR (pensively): Yes, it must be quick or we will lose the people for good. (brightening up) Yes, you’ve got something there, ELEANOR! Maybe I can do what I did in New York, just on a larger scale.  And we’ll help out the banks, just so that people will feel safe again. Oh! And we’ll take care of the older people, and the Negroes, too.

OBAMA (interrupting, disbelievingly): NEGROES?!

(The historical tableau freezes.)

FDR (abashed): Yes, er, sorry about that, young man. Different times, different times. Just watch the nice show, now.

OBAMA (muttering rebelliously): This sucks. (in a normal tone of voice) Hey, Mr. President – can I smoke?

FDR: No! I’M the one with the cigarette, not you! (muttering) Is he kidding me? (in a normal tone) You may resume, Christmas Past.

(The tableau unfreezes.)

FDR (getting excited): We’ll have a Hundred Days program. We’ll get as much through Congress as we possibly can – we’ll spend as much as we can print. It’ll be awe-inspiring!

ELEANOR: Franklin, dear – don’t forget what you promised me about appointing women, now. Frances Perkins would be a wonderful Labor Secretary.

FDR: Of course, ELEANOR, of course. It’s done! (his eyes are alight) This will be the greatest experiment in the history of our country. We’ll call it — The New Deal.

(The tableau fades out.)

FDR (smiling proudly): And, as you know, America flourished under my care for the next 13 years. The New Deal was a resounding success. I kept my promise to older people and created Social Security. I created good jobs with the WPA. My administration was friendly to women. I laid the groundwork for the United Nations. Hell, I even got us through the second World War! Beat that, Mr. Nobel Peace Prize! (reminiscing) Believe me, Congress did NOT want me to get involved in that. It took the Japs bombing Pearl Harbor to –

OBAMA (interrupting): Uh, um, thanks, Mr. President. Thanks very much for the lesson. I get it – the people come first, not the banks. And we need to get things done fast and all that shit. Right? I guess it’s time for the Christmas Present Ghost to show up now, huh?

FDR (glaring at OBAMA): Yes, it is, young man. And I certainly hope he receives a better welcome than I did!  (Deeply offended, FDR disappears in a swirl of smoke.)

OBAMA: Thank God. What a blowhard! I wonder who’s going to bore me next?

(The Ghost of Christmas Present, MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR., materializes behind OBAMA.)

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.’S GHOST: That…would be me.

OBAMA (turning, embarrassed): Oh! I apologize. I, uh, didn’t see you there, Dr. King.

MLK (in his unmistakeable cadence): I’m not surPRISED, Barack. I’m not surPRISED at all. You seem to have forgotten exactly what it MEANS to be a BLACK MAN in AMERica. Show him, Lord. Show him the way!

(The next tableau appears. It’s all black men and women; black men in jail due to punitive drug laws, black women poor and alone, trying to raise their families; black people losing their jobs, living in their cars, in shelters…you get the idea. It’s a parade of such human misery as to grow the Grinchiest heart a couple of sizes.)

OBAMA (with fake empathy): Dr. King, that is terrible, just terrible. And I can pledge to you that I will do everything in my power to help the African American community. (switching on his campaign mode) You know, sir, you may not have heard this, but I was born the son of a Kenyan man -

MLK (rolling his eyes): And a Kansas woman. Yes, yes, Barack, I know. I KNOW about your BACKGROUND. But what in the name of the LORD does that have to do with the POVERTY of BLACK PEOPLE in AMERica?

OBAMA (thrown off his rhythm for the first time in a long time): Uh, er, um…it makes me, like, post-racial?

MLK (thundering): Post-RACIAL? Who the HELL do you think you’re TALKing to? There ain’t no “post-racial” in AMERica, son. They KILLED me for trying to bring PEACE and JUStice to the BLACK MAN. They KILLED me for helping to END segreGATION. They KILLED me for trying to end the WAR that was MURDERING our sons and daughters. They KILLED me for talking about economic inJUSTICE. MY Peace Prize was a REFLECTION of my ACTIONS on behalf of my PEOPLE.

(OBAMA, shaken, has a tear in his eye.)

MLK: (more quietly) Because of my efforts, Barack, you are President today. Never forget the ones who came before you. And you must take care of your brothers and sisters. (building up to a crescendo again) You must STOP taking their hard-earned pay and THROWING it away on GREED, corRUPtion and WAR. You must PROVIDE universal HEALTHCARE to them. You must END the war in Afghanistan. You must bring our people HOME to their families. You must HELP them stay in their HOMES, END the criminalization of BLACK MEN, and give them JOBS and PRIDE. Our people do not need a HANDOUT and a LECTURE, Barack; they need HELP. And YOU are the only one who can give it to them. YOU can save the day. YOU can be the CHANGE they can beLIEVE in! Say it with me now:

OBAMA AND MLK TOGETHER: AMEN!

(MLK disappears in a puff of smoke.)

OBAMA (thoughtfully, visibly moved): Huh. You know, I think he’s right. I DO owe something to the American people, especially the African-American community. And that healthcare bill – who am I kidding? It’s crap. It’s not going to do a damn thing to help them. Maybe – maybe I should start with that. And what was that cigar-smoking fool saying about jobs? (searching for something to write with) Now where’d I put that Presidential pen of mine?

(The GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE materializes in a puff of smoke. It is – RONALD REAGAN.)

REAGAN: Now, now, young man, there you go again.

OBAMA (almost fainting): R-R-R-

REAGAN: Yes, it’s me, the Great Communicator, the guy who transformed politics in America, so they say. What the hell do I know, I just read the lines. So, they elected a black guy President, huh? Americans’ll do the craziest things!

OBAMA (breathless): Mr. President – sir – it is the greatest honor of my life to meet you. And I’m not bullshitting the way I was with FDR!

REAGAN (frowning): FDR? That troublemaker was here?

OBAMA (nodding eagerly): Yessir. Yessir. And, uh, ahem, someone else. Not important. Anyhoo, what have you come to teach me?

REAGAN: Son, I just wanted to let you know that you’re doing great. Everything you’re doing is exactly what I would have done, at least, in my first term.

OBAMA (giddy with relief): REALLY?

REAGAN (patting him on the shoulder): Oh, absolutely. Don’t give it another thought! It was only in my second term that I realized I had to raise taxes a bit. But by then, I had already begun the process you’re so skillfully continuing: instituting a state of continuous war, grabbing all the power I could get, making all my corporate friends fat and happy, and screwing those lazy welfare queens to the wall! No offense, of course.

OBAMA (sincerely): None taken!

REAGAN: Yup, and I also got the evangelicals to vote solidly Republican. I hear you’re peeling off some of that voting bloc too. Good for you!

OBAMA (hugely relieved): Wow, President Reagan -

REAGAN: Call me Ronnie. Everybody does.

OBAMA: R-R-Ronnie. I have to say, before you arrived, this Christmas Carol crap was a serious downer. But now, I feel so good about myself. I’m obviously on the right track here, and I’m going to end up being just as popular and revered as you were!

REAGAN: If not more! Hey, they never gave ME a Peace Prize, although I was knighted by the Queen of England. Boy, that woman is short!

All right, it’s almost morning. Great stuff, Barack, and Merry Christmas to Michelle and the kids! Ho ho ho!

(REAGAN disappears in a puff of smoke. OBAMA goes back to bed and slips his sleep mask on.)

OBAMA (blissfully): Best. Christmas Eve. EVER!

LIGHTS OUT.

“When the socialist revolution comes, the first shot will not come from filthy peasants bearing flaming torches or angry, poorly dressed workers demanding higher wages. No, listening to the anti-government chatter these days, it’s clear that the new socialist revolution will be spearheaded by a lone asparagus. ”

Ms. Lithwick quotes Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli’s concern that, should the example of enforced health insurance purchases be allowed to stand, we would soon be on that slippery slope to compulsory gym memberships and asparagus acquisitions.  George Will also fretted that such use of the interstate commerce clause would lead us into a situation where the government could demand that he eat our broccoli – or else!  Talk about the nanny state.  Rep. Paul Broun (R) of Georgia railed against the temerity of the CDC, which dared to point out that American diets tend to be deficient in servings of fruits and veggies.  When the New World Order arrives, the CDC will call you daily to ascertain that you are eating your veggies.  The really odd thing about Rep. Broun is that most Georgians that I have known have small gardens and enjoy vegetables, so I’m at a loss as to why he would find this so disconcerting.  Unless, of course, it’s because a governmental agency thinks that it’s a good thing.  Then, by inference it would become bad even if you’ve done it and enjoyed it all of your life.  Quit the okra, corn and tomatoes immediately.  Eschew peas and snaps on an ongoing basis.  Vegetables are no longer loaded with vitamins and anti-oxidants, but instead are harbingers of communism.  Egad!  Let’s nip this whole eat your vegetables thing in the bud before it gets the better of us.

Lithwock also reminds us of the absolutely preposterous question posed by Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Ok) who is unbelievably enough, a licensed physician.  He asked Elena Kagen if Congress could pass a law forcing people to eat their vegetables, three servings daily.  (I suppose that they could…..perhaps, but what would be the penalties for failure to ingest?  The mind boggles.)  Nevertheless, this whole Republican-vegetable thing has become an absolute fixation.   Under the circumstances one would think that the Repubs would be falling all over themselves to pass food-safety laws to keep us free of the E. Coli, salmonella and botulism visited upon us, but wait!  Maybe that’s it!  If they refrain from consuming these goodies, the rest of us pinko-veggie consumers will eventually find our numbers thinned through food-borne illnesses.

Let’s recall that President Reagan insisted that catsup was a vegetable, and Bush 41 barred broccoli from both the White House and Air Force One.   Let’s also remember the arugula festivities of the 2007 Iowa campaign.  Howard Dean was insulted as a latte-drinking sushi nibbler.  Michelle Obama’s signature issue of childhood obesity is under attack from Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh.  Sarah feels that the parent should always make the decisions about their children and is correct for the most part, but it’s just exhausting to stay so angry over green leafy vegetables.  Rush is a classless individual who would rather discuss Mrs. Obama’s backside than his own, somehow, and never fails to amuse himself over the White House organic gardens.  (Ya know, Rush, maybe replacing a few meals with salads wouldn’t be such a bad idea in your case, either.)   Actually, I sympathize with Mrs. Obama’s initiative, although fresh fruits and vegetables are not within the reach of many inner-city children.  Hopefully her school lunch program will be a good beginning for better nutrition – a few green shoots, if you will.

In both the spirit of Christmas and keeping the devilish little vegetables off balance, I present the broccoli ocarina.  Take that, Republican Party! 

This is an open thread.